Luis Suarez ‘is really a Facebook experiment to manipulate users emotions’

Disgraced Urugarian footballer Luis Suarez is actually a massive psychological experiment conducted by Facebook and Harvard University. A paper in the journal ‘Behavioural Studies and Morality’ explains how the social media giants created the South American superstar to see the effects of positive and negative stories on Facebook users status updates. A researcher explained ‘We wanted to test our theory that people respond to good news with positive status updates and vice versa. Hence we created a cultural icon who oscilates between two forms of extreme behaviour and monitored the results on Facebook. What surprised us the most, however, was that there was no relation between Luis breaching the cultural norms of society and subsequently experiencing rejection. Quite the opposite in fact. For example, we programmed him to racially abuse a fellow sportsman, and he found his image adorning t-shirts that were worn by his peers. Then we made him bite an opponent for the second time and within a year he was given a massive pay rise. Subsequently, there was a third biting incident which we blamed on gravity and Photoshop, and suddenly he is wanted by one of the most popular football clubs in the world. Most peculiar. It really has confounded all our theories on modern society.’

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Old email celebrating 10 years of MySpace found in spam mailbox

A local man found a 6 month old email from Myspace whilst sorting out his spam inbox. It read ‘Thanks for supporting us on our journey. On our tenth anniversary, we want to thank you for helping us realize our mission in creating a more open, thoughtful world. We have connected so many people and it’s only just the start. The last 10 years have been amazing. The next 10 years will be….wait, wait don’t go away. Please finish reading before you put me in the trash. ¬†Aww, come on guys, I have music. Great music. Lily Allen? You want Lily Allen? We got all the Lily Allen in the world. You want…Hello? Hello?’